That depressive mood swing earlier. Mom saw that my eyes were watery. So she asked what was wrong.

I didn’t feel like explaining “I just get randomly sad” or “I hate this body why haven’t you helped me with that?” “Why do your friends not know about me?” “Why do you still call me female terms?”

My birth name I can tolerate. But I held the truth in, and just blamed it on the rats. Saying I was upset they were scared of me.

Yeah…smooth job Cale. I’m a great person.

Just smile, smile and wave

Tried putting both rats on my bed instead of just trying to handle one at a time.

Thor would sometimes explore, sniffing my arms, my body, sometimes even my feet since I was resting on my side.

Loki stayed under one of my pillows, he’s not as much of a explorer

I even tried leaving a big hoard of Cheerios but they weren’t really having that.

Playtime was over once Thor scurried inside one of my pillows. So I put loki back in the cage. Had to shake the pillow so Thor could come out, then back into the cage he went.

They still try to run away a little when I pick them up. But I don’t see them puffing up in agitation or lifting their paws to try and stop me.

Stupid pet store employees not giving a shit about their rats.

rosenrot234 said: Well some good news for once with the rats. I'm getting them addicted to plain Cheerios. I swear I look at the computer for five minutes and the pile I left near them is just gone. Probably tastes a heck of a lot better than what they had before. Even if they don't like me yet. I had a big smile when I heard little crunchy nibbles of them eating. It was kinda cute too. The bigger one didn't bother til the smaller one tried one.


 can’t wait to hear how they are in a week, don’t be afraid to pick them up even when they run around.

I find a rat is most comfortable when you pick them like um… actually let me take a photo

When you take the rat out quickly cup your hand under their butt and hug them to your other hand so they don’t feel like they’re going to fall. If they are still panicking, just quickly hug them to your chest so they feel more secure.

I try a Scoop Method for picking them up. But I’ll try it your way. Right now the rats seem focused on snoozing so I’m letting them relax for now.

Figures I say that and then the rats started playing.

21 notes

I keep wondering if I should livestream skyrim stuff. But my webcam doesn’t work. The current headphones I have on don’t have a mic.

So instead people might just be seeing a laggy video screen of me wandering around.

1 note

Reminds me of the stupid panic attack at had when I tried to drive.

I have weak twiggy arms. So I couldn’t even move the gear shift. I just started crying because that’s a pretty big crush to your balls if you can’t even move a goddamn shift.

(Source: speshurgurl)

727,832 notes

Hmm. I wonder if Ram-ku, the modded Argonian child can have the normal interactions with another child if you get one of the adoptable options in game.

It’s just there’s this one girl in Windhelm that breaks my heart. Seeing her trying to sell flowers in a freezing and hateful city.

The Manor in Falkreath is almost always warm. With a big freaking lake.

Dunno. Just stuff I’m wondering about now that the meds kicked in



me ah de baddest motherfucker bout yah




me ah de baddest motherfucker bout yah


725 notes

Took my night meds early again. Not sure if I want to sleep yet.

I was just fucking miserable and I wanted the meds because they quiet down everything. ……..That sounded less psychotic in my head. I just mean the depression chipping away at me.

In non depressing news: Loki is a cheerio vacuum apparently. I put some near where he chills out and five minutes later they were all gone. Not sure if he ate them or hid them somewhere.

Earlier they were playing under the shirt. I know the squeaks mean they’re playing. But one of them was squeaking a lot more than usual. I panicked and pulled the shirt up just to see if they were okay. And then I just see both of them looking up at me like “What?”  Oh and I also moved a cage so that it’s not on the floor. I realized “Oh shit they probably think I’m a giant threat if they have to look up to see me. So they’re more at my eye level. They still hide when I get near but I just keep trying to pep myself up and not give up. Even if I was crying about it earlier.

Mom told me I should play with them more. I told her I have been. At least twice a night for both of them. I just don’t want to stress them out so it’s usually 2. Then I put them back when they seem fidgety. I suppose I could try to set up something in my bathtub. Put my pink blanket there, SOMEHOW managing to catch both of them and sprinkling cheerios everywhere on the blanket while sitting on the end of it.

I just worry they’ll jump off and vanish after hiding somewhere. They’re sleeping anyway I don’t want to wake them up and then suddenly have them somewhere new.



only airline I take

*bangs head on desk*

Well that’s one way to go somewhere over the rainbow



only airline I take

*bangs head on desk*

Well that’s one way to go somewhere over the rainbow

(Source: sneakymonster)

34,981 notes

siski-mod said: I know you don't follow my GLaDOS blog, but in case I do end up doing a follower picture instead, would you mind if I put Bop in it? For being a good friend

I don’t mind

Nothing good is going on in my head if I’ve resorted to listening to The Wall album.

20 plays


I honestly think it sounds better than WoW’s death music.

The expansion music for Diablo 3 Reaper of Souls is good too.

2 notes

I’m just upset because I know if any of these two die, we can’t just bury them.

Mom lied to me when she said she’d help bury my first rat. I was crying too much in grief.

Found out years later she threw Lizzie in the trash.

My best friend at the time and they treated her like garbage just because they didn’t want dogs or cats to dig up the body.

I don’t want that to happen again. Not now.